The Ballad of Weezy Salah
by Lusy Dupree
The perils of the internet do not cease during the Holidays, of course. The ruses just get more focused.
Most are familiar with the traditional e-mail scam: an unsolicited message is received from an unknown person in a foreign land requesting financial assistance with the promise of a large financial reward. Following the instructions, victims of the so-called "Advance-fee fraud" (aka the Nigerian E-mail scheme) send money overseas with little hope of seing any return.
According to legend, the e-mail scheme business is a major industry in Lagos, where internet cafes cater to scammers working on prying the cash out from overseas. The ideas of the scams have been numerous, if not silly, at times using false airline tickets, diplomas, and even the forged signature of the Nigerian president.
Evidently, as we at the New Madrid discovered, the scam artists began targeting Christmas Tree vendors during these holidays. One of our contributors - who at times has operated a Christmas Tree farm (really) - received a slew of grammatically-flawed sales inquiries at his business address from a number of email addresses, each asking for an order of trees to be sent overseas.
The scam comes in when the "purchaser" demands a certain shipping agent (of course, a fake one) be used and paid in advance by the tree vendor, as we discovered in the following correspondence.
In this case, however, something beautiful blossomed from our correspondence with the scammers: true love, the ultimate Christmas gift.
Please enjoy the following exchanges. We responded in turn as an "independent Christmas Tree consultant" for the below correspondence. It is long in length, but a quick read that is entirely worth your time.
The correspondence from the scammers is entirely unedited.
Prologue
-------- Original Message --------
From: Chris Douglas
Date: Mon, December 08, 2008 12:05 am
To:
Subject: Order
Dear Sir
With much regards to your company services and products, I am Rev.Chris Douglas" and would like to make a purchase on Artificial Christmas Tree .Advise with pick up price base on bellow specs .
6ft tall x 112cm wide Artificial Christmas Tree.
7ft tall x 127cm wide Artificial Christmas Tree.
Artificial Tree stand.
and
Decorated 7-foot Artificial Christmas Tree.
Kindly send me a return e-mail on what you currently have in stock and what you can offer with prices and availability. This is a special order I would like to deal with the owner direct .
God bless
Rev.Chris
-------------------------------------------------
From: Larry Dupree
Date: Tue, Dec 16, 2008 at 8:00 AM
To: Chris Douglas
Subject: Re: Order
Reverend,
Might I begin my message by wishing you a Merry Christmas. It’s so good to know that men of the cloth are still aiming to celebrate the birth of our lord and savior, Jesus H. Christ.
I intercepted your message concerning the a purchase of Artificial Christmas Trees. My name is Larry Dupree, and I am an independent Christmas Tree consultant representing Lusy Dupree’s Trees, Ltd. Let me explain what that means to you: I am interested in getting the trees you need to you when you need them. Any tree, any time.
I see you are looking for three different kinds of trees. I can assure you I can get them all for you, one way or the other. And I am certain that we can cut a deal, if you know what I mean.
My company operates the following web site:
http://lusydupreestrees.blogspot.com/
On it you will find JUST A SELECTION of the trees we offer. Through my consulting business, I can get you any trees you want, or other holiday memorabilia. We're talking menorahs, that Kwanzaa stuff, whatever. Just e-mail me, we'll work it out.
All right, Reverend, I look forward to hearing back from you soon. I don’t need to tell you that time is running out on Christmas, so you better get your order in quick.
In Him,
Larry Dupree, esq.
Christmas and Holiday Decorating Consultant
800-255-6987
ldstrees@gmail.com
"Decorating trees in the spirit of the season" -- Company Motto
-------------------------------------------------
On Tue, Dec 16, 2008 at 12:07 PM, Chris Douglas wrote:
Hi Lusy
Thanks for the e mail .I appreciate your interest .I want to know the trees that you current have in stock with the price and available for pick up .I also want to know the method of payment that you accept ?.I only need a pick up price only.
Regard
Rev.Chris
-------------------------------------------------
On Tue, Dec 16, 2008 at 12:14 PM, Lusy Dupree Trees wrote:
Reverend,
I appreciate your prompt reply. It’s a good Christian value, promptness.
I’ve already directed you to our website with our stock and prices; you can find our available trees there.
We accept check or money order. We also accept barters, particularly in these "tough economic times," if you know what I mean. Some of the barters we have made this holiday season:
One (1) case Tylenol Cold and Flu Gelcaps for a 6' Fir (with stand).
16 Cans of Diet Rite Cola for a rather thin, but passable, 5' North Carolina Pine.
At any rate, might I recommend the following for you:
- A majestic 7' broadleaf oak (baby) for just 25.95 (pick up ONLY)
- 28" Mint Julep (KY LEAF) for just 59.95 (pick up ONLY)
- 6' White Fir for just 49.95
As you can see, our prices are economical, given the "tough economic times."
If you are located in northeastern Tennessee, we would gladly have you come pick up a tree. The prices are all for pick-up.
Where are you located? In southern Tennessee?
Your friend in Christ,
Larry Dupree
The Ballad of Weezy Salah
-------- Original Message --------
From: Salah Weezy
Date: Mon, December 08, 2008 8:53 am
To:
Subject: Order…..
Dear Sir
With much regards to your company services and products, I am Weezy Salah" and would like to make a purchase on Artificial Christmas Tree ..Advise with price available below space.
6ft tall x 112cm wide Artificial Christmas Tree .
7ft tall x 127cm wide Artificial Christmas Tree .
Artificial Tree stand .
and
Decorated 7-foot Artificial Christmas Tree .
Kindly send me a return e-mail on what you currently have in stock and
what method of payment do you accept...
God bless
Rev.Chris
-----------------------------------------------
From: Larry Dupree
Date: Tue, Dec 16, 2008 at 12:22 PM
To: Salah Weezy
Subject: Re: Order…..
Dear Mr. Weezy,
I must confess - I am just confused. Sure, in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, it is easy to get confused. Or depressed. God knows I get depressed. Like all the time. I sell fucking Christmas trees for a living. This is all I do. It’s not joyous, I can guarantee you that, to get yelled at by a fat woman every day about a tree putting bugs in her house.
But anyway, I am confused, because you introduced yourself as "Weezy Salah," but you signed your email Reverend Chris. Interestingly, I have already been in correspondence with another customer named Reverend Chris. I wonder if your email mixed with his and I got the confusing signature! Who knows? What a world! Ha ha ha.
Or are you a Reverend also? What denomination? Are you Presbyterian? If you are Presbyterian, I will give you a gracious discount on our WONDERFUL AND MAJESTIC 10' Douglas Pines!
Let me know!
They are $45, PICK UP ONLY. We have 7 in stock. To ship them, it is 5 dollars more. WRITE ME BACK, WEEZY, because Christmas is coming soon.
WE TAKE CREDIT CARDS
Love,
Larry Dupree
-----------------------------------------------
On Tue, Dec 16, 2008 at 1:12 PM, Weezy Salah wrote:
Hi Merry Christmas
well I am not rev okay..well can you give me the Total Cost Of 30 and also I will recommend you with a shipping company that will be coming in for the pick at your location..
Thank You
-----------------------------------------------
On Tue, Dec 16, 2008 at 3:15 PM, Larry Dupree wrote:
Weezy,
My pleasure. Sorry for the confusion.
30 trees * 45 dollars each = 1350 dollars
BUT since it is a large order, I will cut it to just 1000 dollars. Does that work?
What company will you be recommending? Where are you located?
Thanks,
Larry Dupree
-----------------------------------------------
On Wed, Dec 17, 2008 at 12:31 PM, Weezy Salah wrote:
Dear Customer,
Thank You so much for the efforts you put on this transaction
in other to make my order very special.Well this is my first time with
your company and I think I am impressed so.Actually I want you to know
that there is this freight company I want to recommend you to so that
they will handle the shipment of the merchandise to the final delivery
location which is in west Africa to an orphanage home .I want you to
contact them and get me the freight charges for shipping the Trees to the orphanage home. below is their contact details....and try
and contact the shipping right know and get me the charges and I will
send you my credit card for the full payment..
Contact name :Doyle Todd
Company Name :International gali And express Shipping company
Contact email: gali_shipping@yahoo.com
Delivery address :
Alihatu Osu orphanage
897 osu Road 4t
Accra-Ghana
00233.
As soon as you email them send me an email with a copy of what you
sent to them and also as soon as they get back to you email me with
the quote that they gave to you so that we can proceed the order .
Thank You .
Counting on to your prompt response
Mr. Weezy Salah
-----------------------------------------------
On Wed, Dec 17, 2008 at 12:57 PM, Larry Dupree wrote:
Weezy,
You might be one of the more confusing customers I have ever had. You just called me “customer,” silly! As if you were trying to get something out of me or something! Ha ha! I am glad we are such good friends that we can joke like that.
Anyway, MY dear customer, I will contact Mr. Todd in Accra post haste with regard to getting a shipping quote for our little Christmas tree transaction.
I will contact you back shortly, my friend. I hope your Wednesday is going excellently. Please tell the orphans "hello" from Uncle Larry.
Happy Christmas Season!
Larry Dupree
PS. You should have told me these were for an orphanage before! Ha ha! I would have given you a bigger discount. Oh well, too late now. Tough break, old friend.
-----------------------------------------------
From: Larry Dupree
To: gali_shipping@yahoo.com
Date: Wed, Dec 17, 2008 at 1:14 Pm
Subject: Quote needed for Christmas Tree Shipments - Attn MR. DOYLE TODD
Hello,
I am contacting the International Gali and Express Shipping company, particularly trying to reach MR. DOYLE TODD at the behest of my friend WEEZY SALAH of the Alihatu Osu orphanage in Accra, Ghana.
Weezy and I have worked out a deal in which he is buying 40 trees for 55 dollars apiece from my Christmas Tree Wholesaling Company, which is called the Lusy Dupree's Trees (after my wife, Lusy, who died some years back…my condolences, my condolences).
I am an independent Christmas Tree Consultant, you see. Christmas Trees are my business and Weezy and I worked out this deal for the Christmas trees, okay?
Look, I told him I would have given him a better discount if he told me it was for an orphanage, but sometimes I doubt Weezy's business savvy, you know what I mean? I mean, if you have something under your belt, like you run a goddamn orphanage and you can put it up in a vendor's face, you do it, you know? You'll get a goddamn discount with information like that - any goddamn vendor in his right mind will give a goddamn AFRICAN orphanage a discount. It’s common sense, especially during the Christmas season. People are extra gullible during the Christmas season, you know what I mean?
Look, you are a businessman like me, and I am not sure how well you know Weezy, but he is just naive sometimes. I know, orphanages aren't a business. That's what my second wife told me last night. (Her name is Janet.) She said, "Go easy on Weezy, he is not a businessman like you," and I said to her, “well I can’t adjust my practices just because someone isn't a businessman. If I did, could I even call myself a businessman?”
Whatever. Listen, Doyle, I need to get these trees to this address:
Alihatu Osu orphanage
897 osu Road 4t
Accra-Ghana
00233.
You can pick the trees up at:
1088 S. Main St.
Lot 2
Hazard, KY 41702
It’s a parking lot, as used by most standard tree vendors.
The weight of the 40 trees has to be about 1.3 tons. I asked Jared (MY SON) to guess the weight the best he could and that's what he guessed. He is a good weight guesser—he used to do it at the County Fair to make extra spending money—so I trust him.
They will be wrapped the best I can, but I am going to be honest with you, Doyle, I have never shipped trees to Africa before. I figured there would be some sort of problem with customs, but that is for you and Weezy to deal with. He told me you were the best, and I expect that he is right. I trust Weezy; I have known him a while, so I trust you by extension.
Anyway, Doyle, get me that quote ASAP, buddy. Appreciate it. You be good, now.
In Him,
Larry Dupree
-----------------------------------------------
On Wed, Dec 17, 2008 at 1:17 PM, Larry Dupree wrote:
PS: Jared is the son from my FIRST wife, not Janet. Janet is infertile because she lived too close to the old asbestos plant in Pikeville. Long story...ha ha, maybe I should talk to ole Weez about one of those orphans, ya know?
-----------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------
From: Mariam Kassim
To: ldstrees@gmail.com
Date: Wed, Dec 17, 2008 at 1:35 PM
Subject: Wu
WELCOME TO GALI EXPRESS SHIPPING.
Dear Customer,
Thank you for your interest in using Gali Express Shipping Company for your shipping needs.also we are sorry for the delay and our System is down that is why we have not get back to you by time.also
We checked on shipping -Trees,and weight of the Trees 40 High 1.3 tons
From: 1088 S. Main St.
Lot 2
Hazard, KY 41702
To:Alihatu Osu orphanage
897 osu Road 4
Accra-Ghana
00233.
And the shipping cost is going to be:......
Grand Total =$650 Six Hundred and Fifty Dollars
That includes international airway taxes(I.A.T) , Tariffs and
custom's clearance duties. It takes approximately 5 to 7 days for
delivery from the day of pick-up.
And the shipping company will only schedule the pick up with you but
will come to your location to pick up the unit from your location as
soon as it is ready instock to be picked up and so the payment has to
be prepaid so you need to get payment from the Customer who is
purchasing the product from you and then you will make the payment
to us.
The only method of payment we accept is via Western Union Money Transfer to our
financial manager in the delivery location.
If you wish to proceed with this shipment, we would require that you
make the Western Union payment to our Financial Manager in your
delivery location at the address below:
FINANCIAL MANAGER
Name : Mariam Kassim
Address: 441 ogboham street.
City : Accra
Country: Ghana
Zip code: 00233.
As soon as funds have been transferred via Western Union, we will also
require that you provide us with the following information below:
1. Sender's Name.
2. Total Amount Sent.
3. MTCN #. {Money Transfer Control Number}.
4. Test Question.
5. Test Question Answer.
As soon as payment is confirmed to our financial manager in the
delivery location we would then contact you to give us a specific
date and time for us to come for the pick-up. You can contact us back
anytime you need anything.
We look forward to serving you to your fullest satistfaction.
Thank You
Mr,Mariam Kassim
Note: We Accept Payment From the pick up location ,that is From Your
location and it should be only Western Union Payment...
Fax:973-607-4048
THANK YOU.
-----------------------------------------------
On Wed, Dec 17, 2008 at 1:40 PM, Larry Dupree wrote:
Mariam,
No offense, but I was told to deal with Doyle Todd. Who exactly are you, and where is Mr. Todd? My understanding is he has a personal relationship with my client, Weezy Salah. Please put me in touch with Mr. Todd for the quote.
Larry D.
-----------------------------------------------
On Wed, Dec 17, 2008 at 1:45 PM, Larry Dupree wrote:
WEEZY,
Listen, I think we have a problem. I contacted the shipping company you recommended, and asked for Mr. Todd. Unfortunately, I heard from some jackass named Mariam. And, to be quite honest, she was a bit rude and I don’t know if I trust her. I am not sure if my message was intercepted by pirates OR WHAT, but I would prefer to do business with your friend, MR. DOYLE TODD. Where is he? Have you heard from him? Do you know this so-called Mariam?
On the other hand, Mariam gave me a quote of $650, which seems pretty good to me. Do you think that is a good deal? I have contacted some other shipping companies about how much they would charge. What do you think?
Larry
-----------------------------------------------
On Wed, Dec 17, 2008 at 3:34 PM, Weezy Salah wrote:
Yes Mariam is the Finance Manager and the Funds has to be sent for her..so now I want to know if you are are ready for my Credit Card Information and run it I will send you my credit card information tomorrow ...so that you will go and make the payment to Mariam ...
Thank You
-----------------------------------------------
On Wed, Dec 17, 2008 at 3:39 PM, Larry Dupree wrote:
Weezy,
Well, that is good news (Mariam is real!) but there is BETTER news. The BETTER news is that I got a better quote on shipping from my friends at Global Tree Container Solutions!
Mariam said $650, but that is so high! Global Tree Container Solutions will ship all of the trees for just $400!!!! That will save you money. How exciting! So I will use Global Tree Container Solutions to ship the trees to you.
Also, do you know Mariam? Will you tell her that I am sorry for calling her a "jackass?" Thanks.
LARRY DUPREE
-----------------------------------------------
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 4:21 AM, Weezy Salah wrote:
Hi
Well Larry im not Interested in Global Tree Container Solutions..i am Interested in Mariam's Shippers...and use that I will give u my credit card for the Payment...I want to know if u are ready for my credit card Information..and as soon as the Card has Been Approved Send the Funds to Mariam Okay....please dont use Global Tree Container Solutions! I am Interested in Gali Stock Freight Express Okay so Use That One...
Thank You
-----------------------------------------------
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 7:41 AM, Mariam Kassim wrote:
Hello larry
mr Todd is in touch with weezy and me..i am the finance manager..so now I am waiting for you to go and make the payment to western union.
thank you
-----------------------------------------------
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 9:10 AM, Weezy Salah wrote:
Weezy,
I don’t understand—I got a quote from global container solutions for $400 and you want to pay $250 more to ship the trees???
Weezy, this is something I need to talk to you about. Mariam and I were both talking, and we think you are not necessarily—and please don’t be offended—the best or perhaps most fiscally-minded businessman in the world. First, you did not ask for a discount even though the trees are for an orphanage! What’s up with that? It’s common sense to use the charity angle for a discount, but you left that arrow in your quiver. Inexplicable.
Incident Number Two is this whole shipping conundrum. Now, you need to level with me. It doesn't make business or fiscal sense—and, mind you, I am a businessman—to use Mariam's shipping company. As you can see from the statement I attached below, Global Container solutions gave me a BETTER QUOTE! 250 dollars cheaper. You have to explain to me why you want to use Gali Shipping. Please. and be honest, because we are old friends.
I think I know what the reason is, anyway.
You know I love you, Weezy, and I don’t want to see you hurt, but throwing business to Mariam isn’t going to make her love you unless there is already something there. Let me just ask you straight out: Are you using Mariam's shipping because you have a secret crush?
Is somebody crushing? Is it Weezy?
I thought so, lil' Weezy. I thought so. But just tell me. We are friends, but we have to establish that bond of honesty again, about everything. Just tell me you love Mariam, and GREAT! It’ll be wonderful. Heck, if you are willing to throw 250 bucks away on your love of Mariam, maybe I can too. Just let me know. As soon as you can.
Christmas is getting closer.
Your best friend,
Larry D.
-----------------------------------------------
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 10:47 AM, Weezy Salah wrote:
Hello Larry
Try to Understand me Please..i want to use Mariam's Shippers Because that's the shipping I have been using for so long .and I will not use any global shippers...I want to know if u are ready so that I will give u my credit card to run it...also Mariam is waiting for the Payment..you Know X Mass in On The Way...so are you ready for my credit card.let me Know
Thank You
-----------------------------------------------
>On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 11:01 AM, Larry Dupree wrote:
Weezy,
Since you refuse to tell me that you love Mariam, I am taking your discount away. I am sorry, but it’s within my rights as a businessman. That brings your total up to $1,350.
Also, I am adding a $1,000 consultancy fee to your original total because I have had to write several emails for this transaction, and I don’t think you understand that I live in a trailer with no internet. I have to literally power this computer by burning vegetable oil in an engine my niece Jared set up. It’s very smelly and time-consuming, and all you can do is throw money out the window, which DOES NOT MAKE SENSE for an orphanage to do.
With the $250 you are throwing away on your flirtations with surreptitious and unrequited love for Mariam, you could be buying wagon tongues and clothing sets for your orphans. What is wrong with you? Can I have the phone number of the orphanage director? Are you the orphanage director?
Also, I need to let you know that we ONLY accept Diner's Club credit cards. Is that okay? Do you have a Diner's Club card? They are supposedly international, so you should.
You can apply here:
http://www.dinersclub.com/
sort of upset with you,
Larry D.
-----------------------------------------------
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 11:12 AM, Larry Dupree wrote:
Mariam,
There is something I need to talk to you about, and I feel like it is my duty to do it, because Weezy just plum won't.
Weezy Salah is in love with you. I don’t understand it, believe me, and I am sure you don't either, but this is something the two of you need to talk to me about.
You may be wondering how I found this out. Well, I will have you know I am a pretty good detective in my own right. I watch CSI (NY AND MIAMI) and NCIS and Cold Case, like all the time.
I told Weezy that I had gotten a lower shipping quote from another company—WHICH I DID—and he insisted that I use your company. I asked him why he wanted to use your company and spend MORE MONEY and this is what he wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 10:47 AM, Salah Weezy wrote:
Hello Larry
Try to Understand me Please..i want to use Mariam's Shippers Because that's the shipping I have been using for so long and because I love Mariam .and I will not use any global shippers, Because it is Not Mariam...I want to know if u are ready so that I will give u my credit card to run it...also Mariam, my sweetest Love of my life, is waiting for the Payment..you Know X Mass in On The Way. I just do not know what to get Mariam. shee makes me nervous and I dont want to come on too strong. I bought her nice thing, but not too nice because then I dont want her to know just like that, just off a gift. what do I do?..so are you ready for my credit card.let me Know
Thank You
Best Friend,
Weezy
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< So, Mariam, what do you think? Do you love Larry? Just be honest with your heart. True love will find a way. Did you receive my payment? Larry D. ----------------------------------------------- On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 11:16 am, Weezy Salah wrote:
Okay Larry
so now if u take away the discount how will be left....give me the total price.so that I will give u my credit card information to run the card and make the payment to Mariam.i don't love Mariam she is my old friend and she is the one I am dealing with Only
Thank you
-----------------------------------------------
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 11:31 AM, Larry Dupree wrote:
Weezy,
I hear what you are saying. Just think about this:
If you're down, and confused
And you don't remember who you're talkin' to
Concentration slips away
'Cause your baby is so far away
Well there's a rose, in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can't be with the one you love, honey
Love the one you're with
Don't be angry, don't be sad
Don't sit cryin', talkin' 'bout the good times you had
Well there's a girl, sittin' right next to you
And she's just waiting for something to do
Well there's a rose, in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can't be with the one you love, honey
Love the one you're with
Turn your heartache right into joy
She's a girl, and you're a boy
So why don't you get it together, make it nice
You ain't gonna need any more advice
And there's a rose, in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
Sometimes you can't be with the one you love, honey
Love the one you're with
A little wisdom from the gods. You feeling that?
Do you have a Diner's Club card OR NOT? I do not accept Visa or MasterCard, just Diner's Club. I told you that a long time ago and you don't listen. I am going to tell Mariam you called her "old" if you aren’t careful.
Love, Larry D.
-----------------------------------------------
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 11:37 am, Weezy Salah wrote:
I dont have Diner's club Card so what do we do now..i only have master card.
-----------------------------------------------
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 11:39 AM, Larry Dupree wrote:
I will accept a barter. Do you have anything good to trade? CSNY Bootlegs? Cough syrup?
I am getting sick and tired of your un-businesslike ways.
A PEEVED LARRY
PS. Why don’t you tell your friend Mariam to write back to me? Did she get the damn payment? She is as un-businesslike as you! God, have mercy on this man's orphans…
-----------------------------------------------
11:43 am, Thursday Dec 18. Larry takes matters into his own hands and dispatches an e-card with the following text:
From: Weezy Salah weezy.salah@yahoo.com
To: Mariam Kassim gali_shipping@yahoo.com
MARIAM, HOW CAN I TELL YOU I LOVE YOU? It is so strong, my love Because your eyes are my oldest friends, and your soul is my closest companion. With you, I can ship things around the world at a relatively economical cost. With you, our Christmases will always be white. But, its true. I do, I do, I do love you.
Please, Please bang me.
Bang me all night long.
From Your Weezy
-----------------------------------------------
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 12:04 pm, Weezy Salah wrote:
Well Larry I dont think you want to get the Trees to me...Mariam will reply to u as soon as the funds have been sent for her..so I am telling you if u are ready for my master card then I will give it to u .and if u are not good bye
-----------------------------------------------
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 1:22 PM, Larry Dupree wrote:
WEEZY:
You rapscallion! Obviously I want to get the trees to you. Trees are my business. All I do is trees. I have told you this. Do you think I would be talking to you so much if I didn’t care about the trees? You are a reticent and cold person, but I am a businessman. A tree businessman, who deals with your boring ilk all the time.
And now, quite frankly, you are just sounding bitter about your unrequited love for Mariam.
Weezy, I want to get you these trees. But I also want to get you together with Mariam. I feel this is my destiny, to bridge the gap between two would-be lovers. Love is a beautiful thing that must be cherished and fostered anew between people who didn’t think it was there before. Especially during the Christmas season.
Do it for me, your best friend, Weezy. Just tell me you love Mariam and we can talk about Christmas trees, okay?
Larry D
-----------------------------------------------
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 2:32 pm, Weezy Salah wrote:
Yes I love her..so will you accept my master card.
-----------------------------------------------
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 2:35 PM, Larry Dupree wrote:
Weezy—
Don't just tell me, tell her! Let me know when you have told her!
I want to see the email you send her, okay?
You are so brave!
Larry
-----------------------------------------------
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 2:39 pm, Weezy Salah wrote:
Okay I told her right away..so are u ready for my credit card information.so that u can go and make the payment for Mariam..u now X mas is on the way
-----------------------------------------------
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 2:41 PM, Larry Dupree wrote:
Weezy,
I told you, I want to see the email. I want to make sure you are not lying to yourself about this. Just forward me the email you sent to Mariam telling her you loved her.
Please, do it for yourself.
Larry D.
-----------------------------------------------
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 2:49 PM, Mariam Kassim wrote:
well I think if he love's me normal. no I did not get the payment from you,but I am waiting
-----------------------------------------------
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 3:07 PM, Larry Dupree wrote:
Well, do you love him? Just tell me that. Do you also love Weezy? That’s important in a relationship.
You didn't get the payment? That's so weird.
Wait, why am I paying you again? Isn’t Weezy buying this shit?
LD
-----------------------------------------------
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 3:09 PM, Weezy Salah wrote:
well this joke's and game's are over...if u are not ready to accept my credit card and make the payment to me let me know. I sent her an e-mail if u like as her..and if u are not ready for the payment bye
-----------------------------------------------
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 3:14 PM, Larry Dupree wrote:
Weezy,
Your sentences are becoming more and more incomprehensible. I don’t really understand your English, but I think you are getting sassy. Why would you get sassy? I thought we were friends.
You seem to be forgetting the glory of love and friendship. I just want to see the email you sent to Mariam. Is that so hard?
Look, honestly, Weezy, it would make me feel good. I have really been down in the dumps and depressed lately. I lost my job and my step-cousin Jared came down with shingles and I don’t even have the money to pay for his shingles medication and the government is saying they are going to put him in an orphanage with no Christmas trees AND WOULDNT THAT BE AWFUL.
I really just want to know that I made a difference in someone's life, especially if I can’t help Jared. You know? So just send me the email of your love confession.
Then your glorious love will be complete and we can move back to talking about business! and Christmas trees! and Christmas tree business!
Larry
-----------------------------------------------
On Fri, Dec 19, 2008 at 1:51 AM, Mariam Kassim wrote:
yes I love him..well weezy want to know if u are ready for his credit card information.so that u can make the payment to us.
-----------------------------------------------
On Fri, Dec 19, 2008 at 7:10 AM, Larry Dupree wrote:
Weezy,
I have news and the news is good, old friend. Remember how you told me you loved Mariam? I do—it was a glorious and shining day among the many dull ones of my existence. And let me tell you, there have been many dull ones. The mind-numbing and freezing days sitting in a tool and dye factory, the weeks behind the counter at a convenience store on Route 66. So terribly, soul-crushingly dull.
But you and Mariam's blossoming love has brightened my life! AND TO WHAT DELIGHT DID I ARISE THIS MORNING? Nothing less than Mariam's confession of her love for you! To wit:
"yes I love him..well weezy want to know if u are ready for his credit card information.so that u can make the payment to us"
Isn’t that wonderful? Mariam loves you, too!
Well, we must make plans, Weezy. I am sure you have a ring picked out already, but don’t blow the proposal—you only get one shot!
Do you want a spring or a summer wedding? What color will the groomsmen's suits be, so I can pick them out? Let me know.
I will start writing my toast now!
you old dog, you—
Larry
Epilogue
From: Salah Weezy
To: Larry Dupree
Date: Fri, Dec 19, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Subject: Fw: Love
-----------------------------------------------
On Fri, 12/19/08, Salah Weezy wrote:
From: Salah Weezy
Subject: Love
To: gali_shipping@yahoo.com
Date: Friday, December 19, 2008, 10:29 PM
I LOVE YOU MARIAM
Read More...
The perils of the internet do not cease during the Holidays, of course. The ruses just get more focused.
Most are familiar with the traditional e-mail scam: an unsolicited message is received from an unknown person in a foreign land requesting financial assistance with the promise of a large financial reward. Following the instructions, victims of the so-called "Advance-fee fraud" (aka the Nigerian E-mail scheme) send money overseas with little hope of seing any return.
According to legend, the e-mail scheme business is a major industry in Lagos, where internet cafes cater to scammers working on prying the cash out from overseas. The ideas of the scams have been numerous, if not silly, at times using false airline tickets, diplomas, and even the forged signature of the Nigerian president.
Evidently, as we at the New Madrid discovered, the scam artists began targeting Christmas Tree vendors during these holidays. One of our contributors - who at times has operated a Christmas Tree farm (really) - received a slew of grammatically-flawed sales inquiries at his business address from a number of email addresses, each asking for an order of trees to be sent overseas.
The scam comes in when the "purchaser" demands a certain shipping agent (of course, a fake one) be used and paid in advance by the tree vendor, as we discovered in the following correspondence.
In this case, however, something beautiful blossomed from our correspondence with the scammers: true love, the ultimate Christmas gift.
Please enjoy the following exchanges. We responded in turn as an "independent Christmas Tree consultant" for the below correspondence. It is long in length, but a quick read that is entirely worth your time.
The correspondence from the scammers is entirely unedited.
Prologue
-------- Original Message --------
From: Chris Douglas
Date: Mon, December 08, 2008 12:05 am
To:
Subject: Order
Dear Sir
With much regards to your company services and products, I am Rev.Chris Douglas" and would like to make a purchase on Artificial Christmas Tree .Advise with pick up price base on bellow specs .
6ft tall x 112cm wide Artificial Christmas Tree.
7ft tall x 127cm wide Artificial Christmas Tree.
Artificial Tree stand.
and
Decorated 7-foot Artificial Christmas Tree.
Kindly send me a return e-mail on what you currently have in stock and what you can offer with prices and availability. This is a special order I would like to deal with the owner direct .
God bless
Rev.Chris
-------------------------------------------------
From: Larry Dupree
Date: Tue, Dec 16, 2008 at 8:00 AM
To: Chris Douglas
Subject: Re: Order
Reverend,
Might I begin my message by wishing you a Merry Christmas. It’s so good to know that men of the cloth are still aiming to celebrate the birth of our lord and savior, Jesus H. Christ.
I intercepted your message concerning the a purchase of Artificial Christmas Trees. My name is Larry Dupree, and I am an independent Christmas Tree consultant representing Lusy Dupree’s Trees, Ltd. Let me explain what that means to you: I am interested in getting the trees you need to you when you need them. Any tree, any time.
I see you are looking for three different kinds of trees. I can assure you I can get them all for you, one way or the other. And I am certain that we can cut a deal, if you know what I mean.
My company operates the following web site:
http://lusydupreestrees.blogspot.com/
On it you will find JUST A SELECTION of the trees we offer. Through my consulting business, I can get you any trees you want, or other holiday memorabilia. We're talking menorahs, that Kwanzaa stuff, whatever. Just e-mail me, we'll work it out.
All right, Reverend, I look forward to hearing back from you soon. I don’t need to tell you that time is running out on Christmas, so you better get your order in quick.
In Him,
Larry Dupree, esq.
Christmas and Holiday Decorating Consultant
800-255-6987
ldstrees@gmail.com
"Decorating trees in the spirit of the season" -- Company Motto
-------------------------------------------------
On Tue, Dec 16, 2008 at 12:07 PM, Chris Douglas
Hi Lusy
Thanks for the e mail .I appreciate your interest .I want to know the trees that you current have in stock with the price and available for pick up .I also want to know the method of payment that you accept ?.I only need a pick up price only.
Regard
Rev.Chris
-------------------------------------------------
On Tue, Dec 16, 2008 at 12:14 PM, Lusy Dupree Trees
Reverend,
I appreciate your prompt reply. It’s a good Christian value, promptness.
I’ve already directed you to our website with our stock and prices; you can find our available trees there.
We accept check or money order. We also accept barters, particularly in these "tough economic times," if you know what I mean. Some of the barters we have made this holiday season:
One (1) case Tylenol Cold and Flu Gelcaps for a 6' Fir (with stand).
16 Cans of Diet Rite Cola for a rather thin, but passable, 5' North Carolina Pine.
At any rate, might I recommend the following for you:
- A majestic 7' broadleaf oak (baby) for just 25.95 (pick up ONLY)
- 28" Mint Julep (KY LEAF) for just 59.95 (pick up ONLY)
- 6' White Fir for just 49.95
As you can see, our prices are economical, given the "tough economic times."
If you are located in northeastern Tennessee, we would gladly have you come pick up a tree. The prices are all for pick-up.
Where are you located? In southern Tennessee?
Your friend in Christ,
Larry Dupree
The Ballad of Weezy Salah
-------- Original Message --------
From: Salah Weezy
Date: Mon, December 08, 2008 8:53 am
To:
Subject: Order…..
Dear Sir
With much regards to your company services and products, I am Weezy Salah" and would like to make a purchase on Artificial Christmas Tree ..Advise with price available below space.
6ft tall x 112cm wide Artificial Christmas Tree .
7ft tall x 127cm wide Artificial Christmas Tree .
Artificial Tree stand .
and
Decorated 7-foot Artificial Christmas Tree .
Kindly send me a return e-mail on what you currently have in stock and
what method of payment do you accept...
God bless
Rev.Chris
-----------------------------------------------
From: Larry Dupree
Date: Tue, Dec 16, 2008 at 12:22 PM
To: Salah Weezy
Subject: Re: Order…..
Dear Mr. Weezy,
I must confess - I am just confused. Sure, in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, it is easy to get confused. Or depressed. God knows I get depressed. Like all the time. I sell fucking Christmas trees for a living. This is all I do. It’s not joyous, I can guarantee you that, to get yelled at by a fat woman every day about a tree putting bugs in her house.
But anyway, I am confused, because you introduced yourself as "Weezy Salah," but you signed your email Reverend Chris. Interestingly, I have already been in correspondence with another customer named Reverend Chris. I wonder if your email mixed with his and I got the confusing signature! Who knows? What a world! Ha ha ha.
Or are you a Reverend also? What denomination? Are you Presbyterian? If you are Presbyterian, I will give you a gracious discount on our WONDERFUL AND MAJESTIC 10' Douglas Pines!
Let me know!
They are $45, PICK UP ONLY. We have 7 in stock. To ship them, it is 5 dollars more. WRITE ME BACK, WEEZY, because Christmas is coming soon.
WE TAKE CREDIT CARDS
Love,
Larry Dupree
-----------------------------------------------
On Tue, Dec 16, 2008 at 1:12 PM, Weezy Salah
Hi Merry Christmas
well I am not rev okay..well can you give me the Total Cost Of 30 and also I will recommend you with a shipping company that will be coming in for the pick at your location..
Thank You
-----------------------------------------------
On Tue, Dec 16, 2008 at 3:15 PM, Larry Dupree
Weezy,
My pleasure. Sorry for the confusion.
30 trees * 45 dollars each = 1350 dollars
BUT since it is a large order, I will cut it to just 1000 dollars. Does that work?
What company will you be recommending? Where are you located?
Thanks,
Larry Dupree
-----------------------------------------------
On Wed, Dec 17, 2008 at 12:31 PM, Weezy Salah
Dear Customer,
Thank You so much for the efforts you put on this transaction
in other to make my order very special.Well this is my first time with
your company and I think I am impressed so.Actually I want you to know
that there is this freight company I want to recommend you to so that
they will handle the shipment of the merchandise to the final delivery
location which is in west Africa to an orphanage home .I want you to
contact them and get me the freight charges for shipping the Trees to the orphanage home. below is their contact details....and try
and contact the shipping right know and get me the charges and I will
send you my credit card for the full payment..
Contact name :Doyle Todd
Company Name :International gali And express Shipping company
Contact email: gali_shipping@yahoo.com
Delivery address :
Alihatu Osu orphanage
897 osu Road 4t
Accra-Ghana
00233.
As soon as you email them send me an email with a copy of what you
sent to them and also as soon as they get back to you email me with
the quote that they gave to you so that we can proceed the order .
Thank You .
Counting on to your prompt response
Mr. Weezy Salah
-----------------------------------------------
On Wed, Dec 17, 2008 at 12:57 PM, Larry Dupree
Weezy,
You might be one of the more confusing customers I have ever had. You just called me “customer,” silly! As if you were trying to get something out of me or something! Ha ha! I am glad we are such good friends that we can joke like that.
Anyway, MY dear customer, I will contact Mr. Todd in Accra post haste with regard to getting a shipping quote for our little Christmas tree transaction.
I will contact you back shortly, my friend. I hope your Wednesday is going excellently. Please tell the orphans "hello" from Uncle Larry.
Happy Christmas Season!
Larry Dupree
PS. You should have told me these were for an orphanage before! Ha ha! I would have given you a bigger discount. Oh well, too late now. Tough break, old friend.
-----------------------------------------------
From: Larry Dupree
To: gali_shipping@yahoo.com
Date: Wed, Dec 17, 2008 at 1:14 Pm
Subject: Quote needed for Christmas Tree Shipments - Attn MR. DOYLE TODD
Hello,
I am contacting the International Gali and Express Shipping company, particularly trying to reach MR. DOYLE TODD at the behest of my friend WEEZY SALAH of the Alihatu Osu orphanage in Accra, Ghana.
Weezy and I have worked out a deal in which he is buying 40 trees for 55 dollars apiece from my Christmas Tree Wholesaling Company, which is called the Lusy Dupree's Trees (after my wife, Lusy, who died some years back…my condolences, my condolences).
I am an independent Christmas Tree Consultant, you see. Christmas Trees are my business and Weezy and I worked out this deal for the Christmas trees, okay?
Look, I told him I would have given him a better discount if he told me it was for an orphanage, but sometimes I doubt Weezy's business savvy, you know what I mean? I mean, if you have something under your belt, like you run a goddamn orphanage and you can put it up in a vendor's face, you do it, you know? You'll get a goddamn discount with information like that - any goddamn vendor in his right mind will give a goddamn AFRICAN orphanage a discount. It’s common sense, especially during the Christmas season. People are extra gullible during the Christmas season, you know what I mean?
Look, you are a businessman like me, and I am not sure how well you know Weezy, but he is just naive sometimes. I know, orphanages aren't a business. That's what my second wife told me last night. (Her name is Janet.) She said, "Go easy on Weezy, he is not a businessman like you," and I said to her, “well I can’t adjust my practices just because someone isn't a businessman. If I did, could I even call myself a businessman?”
Whatever. Listen, Doyle, I need to get these trees to this address:
Alihatu Osu orphanage
897 osu Road 4t
Accra-Ghana
00233.
You can pick the trees up at:
1088 S. Main St.
Lot 2
Hazard, KY 41702
It’s a parking lot, as used by most standard tree vendors.
The weight of the 40 trees has to be about 1.3 tons. I asked Jared (MY SON) to guess the weight the best he could and that's what he guessed. He is a good weight guesser—he used to do it at the County Fair to make extra spending money—so I trust him.
They will be wrapped the best I can, but I am going to be honest with you, Doyle, I have never shipped trees to Africa before. I figured there would be some sort of problem with customs, but that is for you and Weezy to deal with. He told me you were the best, and I expect that he is right. I trust Weezy; I have known him a while, so I trust you by extension.
Anyway, Doyle, get me that quote ASAP, buddy. Appreciate it. You be good, now.
In Him,
Larry Dupree
-----------------------------------------------
On Wed, Dec 17, 2008 at 1:17 PM, Larry Dupree
PS: Jared is the son from my FIRST wife, not Janet. Janet is infertile because she lived too close to the old asbestos plant in Pikeville. Long story...ha ha, maybe I should talk to ole Weez about one of those orphans, ya know?
-----------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------
From: Mariam Kassim
To: ldstrees@gmail.com
Date: Wed, Dec 17, 2008 at 1:35 PM
Subject: Wu
WELCOME TO GALI EXPRESS SHIPPING.
Dear Customer,
Thank you for your interest in using Gali Express Shipping Company for your shipping needs.also we are sorry for the delay and our System is down that is why we have not get back to you by time.also
We checked on shipping -Trees,and weight of the Trees 40 High 1.3 tons
From: 1088 S. Main St.
Lot 2
Hazard, KY 41702
To:Alihatu Osu orphanage
897 osu Road 4
Accra-Ghana
00233.
And the shipping cost is going to be:......
Grand Total =$650 Six Hundred and Fifty Dollars
That includes international airway taxes(I.A.T) , Tariffs and
custom's clearance duties. It takes approximately 5 to 7 days for
delivery from the day of pick-up.
And the shipping company will only schedule the pick up with you but
will come to your location to pick up the unit from your location as
soon as it is ready instock to be picked up and so the payment has to
be prepaid so you need to get payment from the Customer who is
purchasing the product from you and then you will make the payment
to us.
The only method of payment we accept is via Western Union Money Transfer to our
financial manager in the delivery location.
If you wish to proceed with this shipment, we would require that you
make the Western Union payment to our Financial Manager in your
delivery location at the address below:
FINANCIAL MANAGER
Name : Mariam Kassim
Address: 441 ogboham street.
City : Accra
Country: Ghana
Zip code: 00233.
As soon as funds have been transferred via Western Union, we will also
require that you provide us with the following information below:
1. Sender's Name.
2. Total Amount Sent.
3. MTCN #. {Money Transfer Control Number}.
4. Test Question.
5. Test Question Answer.
As soon as payment is confirmed to our financial manager in the
delivery location we would then contact you to give us a specific
date and time for us to come for the pick-up. You can contact us back
anytime you need anything.
We look forward to serving you to your fullest satistfaction.
Thank You
Mr,Mariam Kassim
Note: We Accept Payment From the pick up location ,that is From Your
location and it should be only Western Union Payment...
Fax:973-607-4048
THANK YOU.
-----------------------------------------------
On Wed, Dec 17, 2008 at 1:40 PM, Larry Dupree
Mariam,
No offense, but I was told to deal with Doyle Todd. Who exactly are you, and where is Mr. Todd? My understanding is he has a personal relationship with my client, Weezy Salah. Please put me in touch with Mr. Todd for the quote.
Larry D.
-----------------------------------------------
On Wed, Dec 17, 2008 at 1:45 PM, Larry Dupree
WEEZY,
Listen, I think we have a problem. I contacted the shipping company you recommended, and asked for Mr. Todd. Unfortunately, I heard from some jackass named Mariam. And, to be quite honest, she was a bit rude and I don’t know if I trust her. I am not sure if my message was intercepted by pirates OR WHAT, but I would prefer to do business with your friend, MR. DOYLE TODD. Where is he? Have you heard from him? Do you know this so-called Mariam?
On the other hand, Mariam gave me a quote of $650, which seems pretty good to me. Do you think that is a good deal? I have contacted some other shipping companies about how much they would charge. What do you think?
Larry
-----------------------------------------------
On Wed, Dec 17, 2008 at 3:34 PM, Weezy Salah
Yes Mariam is the Finance Manager and the Funds has to be sent for her..so now I want to know if you are are ready for my Credit Card Information and run it I will send you my credit card information tomorrow ...so that you will go and make the payment to Mariam ...
Thank You
-----------------------------------------------
On Wed, Dec 17, 2008 at 3:39 PM, Larry Dupree
Weezy,
Well, that is good news (Mariam is real!) but there is BETTER news. The BETTER news is that I got a better quote on shipping from my friends at Global Tree Container Solutions!
Mariam said $650, but that is so high! Global Tree Container Solutions will ship all of the trees for just $400!!!! That will save you money. How exciting! So I will use Global Tree Container Solutions to ship the trees to you.
Also, do you know Mariam? Will you tell her that I am sorry for calling her a "jackass?" Thanks.
LARRY DUPREE
-----------------------------------------------
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 4:21 AM, Weezy Salah
Hi
Well Larry im not Interested in Global Tree Container Solutions..i am Interested in Mariam's Shippers...and use that I will give u my credit card for the Payment...I want to know if u are ready for my credit card Information..and as soon as the Card has Been Approved Send the Funds to Mariam Okay....please dont use Global Tree Container Solutions! I am Interested in Gali Stock Freight Express Okay so Use That One...
Thank You
-----------------------------------------------
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 7:41 AM, Mariam Kassim
Hello larry
mr Todd is in touch with weezy and me..i am the finance manager..so now I am waiting for you to go and make the payment to western union.
thank you
-----------------------------------------------
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 9:10 AM, Weezy Salah
Weezy,
I don’t understand—I got a quote from global container solutions for $400 and you want to pay $250 more to ship the trees???
Weezy, this is something I need to talk to you about. Mariam and I were both talking, and we think you are not necessarily—and please don’t be offended—the best or perhaps most fiscally-minded businessman in the world. First, you did not ask for a discount even though the trees are for an orphanage! What’s up with that? It’s common sense to use the charity angle for a discount, but you left that arrow in your quiver. Inexplicable.
Incident Number Two is this whole shipping conundrum. Now, you need to level with me. It doesn't make business or fiscal sense—and, mind you, I am a businessman—to use Mariam's shipping company. As you can see from the statement I attached below, Global Container solutions gave me a BETTER QUOTE! 250 dollars cheaper. You have to explain to me why you want to use Gali Shipping. Please. and be honest, because we are old friends.
I think I know what the reason is, anyway.
You know I love you, Weezy, and I don’t want to see you hurt, but throwing business to Mariam isn’t going to make her love you unless there is already something there. Let me just ask you straight out: Are you using Mariam's shipping because you have a secret crush?
Is somebody crushing? Is it Weezy?
I thought so, lil' Weezy. I thought so. But just tell me. We are friends, but we have to establish that bond of honesty again, about everything. Just tell me you love Mariam, and GREAT! It’ll be wonderful. Heck, if you are willing to throw 250 bucks away on your love of Mariam, maybe I can too. Just let me know. As soon as you can.
Christmas is getting closer.
Your best friend,
Larry D.
-----------------------------------------------
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 10:47 AM, Weezy Salah
Hello Larry
Try to Understand me Please..i want to use Mariam's Shippers Because that's the shipping I have been using for so long .and I will not use any global shippers...I want to know if u are ready so that I will give u my credit card to run it...also Mariam is waiting for the Payment..you Know X Mass in On The Way...so are you ready for my credit card.let me Know
Thank You
-----------------------------------------------
>On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 11:01 AM, Larry Dupree
Weezy,
Since you refuse to tell me that you love Mariam, I am taking your discount away. I am sorry, but it’s within my rights as a businessman. That brings your total up to $1,350.
Also, I am adding a $1,000 consultancy fee to your original total because I have had to write several emails for this transaction, and I don’t think you understand that I live in a trailer with no internet. I have to literally power this computer by burning vegetable oil in an engine my niece Jared set up. It’s very smelly and time-consuming, and all you can do is throw money out the window, which DOES NOT MAKE SENSE for an orphanage to do.
With the $250 you are throwing away on your flirtations with surreptitious and unrequited love for Mariam, you could be buying wagon tongues and clothing sets for your orphans. What is wrong with you? Can I have the phone number of the orphanage director? Are you the orphanage director?
Also, I need to let you know that we ONLY accept Diner's Club credit cards. Is that okay? Do you have a Diner's Club card? They are supposedly international, so you should.
You can apply here:
http://www.dinersclub.com/
sort of upset with you,
Larry D.
-----------------------------------------------
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 11:12 AM, Larry Dupree
Mariam,
There is something I need to talk to you about, and I feel like it is my duty to do it, because Weezy just plum won't.
Weezy Salah is in love with you. I don’t understand it, believe me, and I am sure you don't either, but this is something the two of you need to talk to me about.
You may be wondering how I found this out. Well, I will have you know I am a pretty good detective in my own right. I watch CSI (NY AND MIAMI) and NCIS and Cold Case, like all the time.
I told Weezy that I had gotten a lower shipping quote from another company—WHICH I DID—and he insisted that I use your company. I asked him why he wanted to use your company and spend MORE MONEY and this is what he wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 10:47 AM, Salah Weezy wrote:
Hello Larry
Try to Understand me Please..i want to use Mariam's Shippers Because that's the shipping I have been using for so long and because I love Mariam .and I will not use any global shippers, Because it is Not Mariam...I want to know if u are ready so that I will give u my credit card to run it...also Mariam, my sweetest Love of my life, is waiting for the Payment..you Know X Mass in On The Way. I just do not know what to get Mariam. shee makes me nervous and I dont want to come on too strong. I bought her nice thing, but not too nice because then I dont want her to know just like that, just off a gift. what do I do?..so are you ready for my credit card.let me Know
Thank You
Best Friend,
Weezy
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< So, Mariam, what do you think? Do you love Larry? Just be honest with your heart. True love will find a way. Did you receive my payment? Larry D. ----------------------------------------------- On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 11:16 am, Weezy Salah
Okay Larry
so now if u take away the discount how will be left....give me the total price.so that I will give u my credit card information to run the card and make the payment to Mariam.i don't love Mariam she is my old friend and she is the one I am dealing with Only
Thank you
-----------------------------------------------
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 11:31 AM, Larry Dupree
Weezy,
I hear what you are saying. Just think about this:
If you're down, and confused
And you don't remember who you're talkin' to
Concentration slips away
'Cause your baby is so far away
Well there's a rose, in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can't be with the one you love, honey
Love the one you're with
Don't be angry, don't be sad
Don't sit cryin', talkin' 'bout the good times you had
Well there's a girl, sittin' right next to you
And she's just waiting for something to do
Well there's a rose, in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can't be with the one you love, honey
Love the one you're with
Turn your heartache right into joy
She's a girl, and you're a boy
So why don't you get it together, make it nice
You ain't gonna need any more advice
And there's a rose, in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
Sometimes you can't be with the one you love, honey
Love the one you're with
A little wisdom from the gods. You feeling that?
Do you have a Diner's Club card OR NOT? I do not accept Visa or MasterCard, just Diner's Club. I told you that a long time ago and you don't listen. I am going to tell Mariam you called her "old" if you aren’t careful.
Love, Larry D.
-----------------------------------------------
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 11:37 am, Weezy Salah
I dont have Diner's club Card so what do we do now..i only have master card.
-----------------------------------------------
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 11:39 AM, Larry Dupree
I will accept a barter. Do you have anything good to trade? CSNY Bootlegs? Cough syrup?
I am getting sick and tired of your un-businesslike ways.
A PEEVED LARRY
PS. Why don’t you tell your friend Mariam to write back to me? Did she get the damn payment? She is as un-businesslike as you! God, have mercy on this man's orphans…
-----------------------------------------------
11:43 am, Thursday Dec 18. Larry takes matters into his own hands and dispatches an e-card with the following text:
From: Weezy Salah weezy.salah@yahoo.com
To: Mariam Kassim gali_shipping@yahoo.com
MARIAM, HOW CAN I TELL YOU I LOVE YOU? It is so strong, my love Because your eyes are my oldest friends, and your soul is my closest companion. With you, I can ship things around the world at a relatively economical cost. With you, our Christmases will always be white. But, its true. I do, I do, I do love you.
Please, Please bang me.
Bang me all night long.
From Your Weezy
-----------------------------------------------
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 12:04 pm, Weezy Salah
Well Larry I dont think you want to get the Trees to me...Mariam will reply to u as soon as the funds have been sent for her..so I am telling you if u are ready for my master card then I will give it to u .and if u are not good bye
-----------------------------------------------
On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 1:22 PM, Larry Dupree
WEEZY:
You rapscallion! Obviously I want to get the trees to you. Trees are my business. All I do is trees. I have told you this. Do you think I would be talking to you so much if I didn’t care about the trees? You are a reticent and cold person, but I am a businessman. A tree businessman, who deals with your boring ilk all the time.
And now, quite frankly, you are just sounding bitter about your unrequited love for Mariam.
Weezy, I want to get you these trees. But I also want to get you together with Mariam. I feel this is my destiny, to bridge the gap between two would-be lovers. Love is a beautiful thing that must be cherished and fostered anew between people who didn’t think it was there before. Especially during the Christmas season.
Do it for me, your best friend, Weezy. Just tell me you love Mariam and we can talk about Christmas trees, okay?
Larry D
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On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 2:32 pm, Weezy Salah
Yes I love her..so will you accept my master card.
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On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 2:35 PM, Larry Dupree
Weezy—
Don't just tell me, tell her! Let me know when you have told her!
I want to see the email you send her, okay?
You are so brave!
Larry
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On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 2:39 pm, Weezy Salah
Okay I told her right away..so are u ready for my credit card information.so that u can go and make the payment for Mariam..u now X mas is on the way
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On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 2:41 PM, Larry Dupree
Weezy,
I told you, I want to see the email. I want to make sure you are not lying to yourself about this. Just forward me the email you sent to Mariam telling her you loved her.
Please, do it for yourself.
Larry D.
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On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 2:49 PM, Mariam Kassim
well I think if he love's me normal. no I did not get the payment from you,but I am waiting
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On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 3:07 PM, Larry Dupree
Well, do you love him? Just tell me that. Do you also love Weezy? That’s important in a relationship.
You didn't get the payment? That's so weird.
Wait, why am I paying you again? Isn’t Weezy buying this shit?
LD
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On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 3:09 PM, Weezy Salah
well this joke's and game's are over...if u are not ready to accept my credit card and make the payment to me let me know. I sent her an e-mail if u like as her..and if u are not ready for the payment bye
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On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 3:14 PM, Larry Dupree
Weezy,
Your sentences are becoming more and more incomprehensible. I don’t really understand your English, but I think you are getting sassy. Why would you get sassy? I thought we were friends.
You seem to be forgetting the glory of love and friendship. I just want to see the email you sent to Mariam. Is that so hard?
Look, honestly, Weezy, it would make me feel good. I have really been down in the dumps and depressed lately. I lost my job and my step-cousin Jared came down with shingles and I don’t even have the money to pay for his shingles medication and the government is saying they are going to put him in an orphanage with no Christmas trees AND WOULDNT THAT BE AWFUL.
I really just want to know that I made a difference in someone's life, especially if I can’t help Jared. You know? So just send me the email of your love confession.
Then your glorious love will be complete and we can move back to talking about business! and Christmas trees! and Christmas tree business!
Larry
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On Fri, Dec 19, 2008 at 1:51 AM, Mariam Kassim
yes I love him..well weezy want to know if u are ready for his credit card information.so that u can make the payment to us.
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On Fri, Dec 19, 2008 at 7:10 AM, Larry Dupree
Weezy,
I have news and the news is good, old friend. Remember how you told me you loved Mariam? I do—it was a glorious and shining day among the many dull ones of my existence. And let me tell you, there have been many dull ones. The mind-numbing and freezing days sitting in a tool and dye factory, the weeks behind the counter at a convenience store on Route 66. So terribly, soul-crushingly dull.
But you and Mariam's blossoming love has brightened my life! AND TO WHAT DELIGHT DID I ARISE THIS MORNING? Nothing less than Mariam's confession of her love for you! To wit:
"yes I love him..well weezy want to know if u are ready for his credit card information.so that u can make the payment to us"
Isn’t that wonderful? Mariam loves you, too!
Well, we must make plans, Weezy. I am sure you have a ring picked out already, but don’t blow the proposal—you only get one shot!
Do you want a spring or a summer wedding? What color will the groomsmen's suits be, so I can pick them out? Let me know.
I will start writing my toast now!
you old dog, you—
Larry
Epilogue
From: Salah Weezy
To: Larry Dupree
Date: Fri, Dec 19, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Subject: Fw: Love
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On Fri, 12/19/08, Salah Weezy
From: Salah Weezy
Subject: Love
To: gali_shipping@yahoo.com
Date: Friday, December 19, 2008, 10:29 PM
I LOVE YOU MARIAM
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